3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So squirting runs in the family.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Randomize
