We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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