ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
