I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
