oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
