he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
