I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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