Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize