and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
