That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
