Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
