there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize