No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
