Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
