Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My bed smells like the plague
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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