as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
