i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
