His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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