So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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