Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
