and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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