I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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