we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
