there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
