it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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