i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
