i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
