The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize