apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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