Cold hands, warm shart.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
