Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize