No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
