I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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