It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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