Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
