Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
