wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
