Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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