My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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