i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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