i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
