Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
