Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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