Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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