The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
