Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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