Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
