i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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