theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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