I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
