Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
