When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
