I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
