Say something about gay babies.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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