If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
