I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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