i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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