I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Randomize