he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
