ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
