be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
