I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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