Can i not drive my cunt home
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So squirting runs in the family.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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