So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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