Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
