I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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