once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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