guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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