just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
