That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he was CRYING into my vagina
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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