Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
