i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize