I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
my liver is dry heaving
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
