I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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