He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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