Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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