she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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