Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
