i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Are we still banned from the library?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
