I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize