I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
