I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
