I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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