yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
